The Pressure to Be Perfect: Are We Forgetting How to Be Happy?

 

The Pressure to Be Perfect: Are We Forgetting How to Be Happy?

From the time we humans came to live on Earth, our perception was to live with a purpose, understand nature, live in harmony with nature, create families, societies and countries, and make this Earth more beautiful. But over time, with science and technology becoming part of our day-to-day lives, our perception of having a perfect life has changed to having high standards of living. Actually, having a perfect life means self-improvement. We try to accomplish what we need to accomplish in harmony with our mind, body and soul. But what we enjoy accomplishing has turned into what we seek approval from others for accomplishing. Earlier, children were meant to be innocent, and whatever they did innocently was accepted by society. They were encouraged to learn more. But now, there is peer pressure among parents to make their children learn. There is competition and jealousy, too, when it comes to raising children. Sometimes, I wonder, where are we heading?

Today's generation of children is also very quick to learn. They have so much exposure that, with the right stimulation between the ages of 0 to 5, they can learn 300 million words and 20 languages, be it children from any type of background. Here, stimulation should be provided in such a manner that children learn to enjoy language and the environment around them. But recently, I met parents who were both educated and had two children aged 7 and 2. Both children had normal physical development in terms of walking and doing activities, but they were delayed in talking as compared to other normal children. Just because they were not talking like other children, their mother was under so much stress that she used to avoid meeting people. She would cry so much.

Talking to her, I realised that rather than enjoying parenthood and being happy about it, we have started feeling pressured to be good parents. It is happening unconsciously because we are all doing it together, influenced by one another. Studies in neuroscience suggest that when you focus on the good things in life, your brain can adapt and strengthen the pathways associated with noticing positive experiences. This is the magic of neuroplasticity. What you repeatedly notice in your environment, your brain gets better at finding. But these days, we seem to be wiring our brains in the opposite direction by constantly focusing on pressure and perfection. Imagine what the result will be. Yes, it is what that mother was experiencing.

I would like to share one more such experience. Recently, I met a 26-year-old boy who has mild stammering. Years ago, he used to come for speech therapy, and he was doing extremely well. Then he completed his graduation and master's degree and went abroad for further studies. He returned, but somehow, he did not get the opportunities he could have had abroad. He was even counting his money to travel by auto-rickshaw here. He said, "My parents recently bought their seventh property, and I haven't even earned enough money to travel. When will I reach that stage? For that, I need to go abroad, where I can earn money faster."

Just imagine, his parents have seven properties, and yet, to prove himself, he wants to go abroad and live in a place where he shares a room with others, eats frozen food and is constantly stressed about earning money. I told him, "Look at what your parents have done for you. You are also a part of this family. Be with them and enjoy life." He said, "Yes, but they also discuss how much money they have spent on me. When will I earn back that much?" I always have a question in my mind: Are we sending our children abroad to gain exposure and see the world differently, or are we sending them to live a perfect life under the pressure of constantly earning money? If we give our children the security of knowing that we are there for them and that they should simply enjoy what they do, wouldn't life become so much easier for them? But our behaviour has unconsciously become this way because we keep comparing ourselves with others.

One of the religious books says that we live in a world where business, money, status and the luxuries of life play very important roles. These days, faith in God has reduced, and to overcome challenges, people seek support from different sources or simply go with the flow of society. But consider a simple example: if we want to open a door, we need the key to that particular door. The keys to other doors will not work. If we truly want to introspect, we have to look within ourselves and discover what is good and bad for us. What is the purpose of our lives as individuals? Once we understand that and have faith and positivity, none of these pressures can affect us.

Lord Krishna had built the whole of Dwarka so that none of his people had to suffer for business, money, status or the luxuries of life. He created such a warm environment that everyone could remain happy and enjoy what they had. After that, our kings and emperors also worked hard to make their own people happy. And now, somehow, what has happened in our world that we feel only the pressure of living? Have we lost faith in God? Are we creating difficulties for ourselves? Has the feeling that we are in this world to create happiness disappeared? Why don't we all sit and analyse what will make us feel happy?

Nowadays, books on perfection tell us that our worth is determined only by our performance and achievements. Everyone believes that either you lose or you win, with nothing in between. If I say no, people may not like me. Missing a workout or not eating a healthy meal on time gives us stress. We feel vulnerable, insecure or afraid to ask others for help. We don't like to tolerate our own mistakes or even those made by others. Small fights in relationships suddenly take on huge proportions, and break-ups happen very easily. Sometimes, we literally avoid situations because we don't want to face embarrassment or failure. We learn to run away when we are not ready to face situations. Just think: are all these signs of perfection really signs of perfection, or are they perfection loaded with pressure? Will it make us happy? Think about what real happiness means to us. I have understood this through writing about positivity. What about you all?